sew your fortunes on a string.

A student from my school is going to prison.

For murder.

I don't know what to say.

oh hey there, disillusionment phase.

This graph is from an article titled 'The Evolution of a Teacher" - I'm sure my fellow educators out there will recognize it.

Towards the end of training this summer, we were talking about this article in my advisory group when someone asked, "so since we've been student teaching this summer, is it safe to say most of us are going to be starting out past the anticipation phase?" I think I had an anticipation phase at the beginning of the year, but it was very short lived. Obviously I have high points in my daily life in my classroom, much more so than I even share with you here. However, it's getting much harder to feel optimistic. It's getting much harder to feel like I could ever really be a great teacher, because as it is I'm just surviving from day to day, relying on the types of lesson I've learned will kind of work, even if they're not stellar or all that original. I'm consistently too exhausted for creativity or extensive research and development. I'm ready for the rejuvenation phase. Oh wait, when does that come in? May? Christ.

summer dreams.

Has it only been two months since I started teaching? It feels like a year already, despite the greenness I still feel with painful clarity. My school's first term is ending at the end of the month, and I feel anxious to begin the second term. I'll have most of the same students again, just shuffled around in different periods, and as I see it this offers two advantages: I get to tweak my class rules and expectations (read: lay down the law) but I don't have to completely start from scratch with getting to know my kids. That work's already been done. Of course, the inherent disadvantage is that my kids already know me, too, and it might be difficult to retrain them.

How has it only been two months? It feels like the year should be halfway over - the kids are tired, the teachers are tired, we're all dragging and unmotivated. Two months. What's it going to be like in five? Seven?